What to do on a first date
Like many men and women that come to me they ask where is he/she. Why haven’t I found them yet? They talk about lack of commitment and catching people in lies. They talk about bad first dates that never lead to a second date. They dismiss New York City as a place of whining self-involved players. The odd thing is I have never lived in this city, have you? When I dated I didn’t fall in love every time, but I did not find all these callous people. So, what is the difference?
There is a simple and wonderful way to go out on first dates. If you follow this advice, you will enjoy your first date and you may even out again to find out more about this person. So, what do you do?
The problem that most people have is their focus is inward. “What do they think of me?” “Am I good looking enough?” “Did I say the right thing?” It’s scary to date and feel on display waiting to be judged. Dating is anxiety provoking. And what does your date see and possibly feel? They are looking at someone who looks disinterested! While they are hoping to connect to you they see a worried distracted person not really listening to them or even actually being on the date.
Or do you do the opposite are you scowling at them trying to prove to yourself this is just another loser? “Go ahead just try to make me like you.” “You’re not good enough for me.” Well frankly, anyone with a reasonable sense of self will not find that interesting or attractive. The people with a healthy self-esteem will walk away. This kind of animosity creates an energy that is hard to be around. You don’t want someone to care about you in spite of yourself.
Would you want to go out with you again?
So, what to do? Put your focus outward. Be curious ask them about themselves. And one piece of advice is find the person right. Purposefully look for things about that person that you enjoy. That doesn’t mean you have to marry them. Just appreciate them. Now you may find your “appreciation quota” isn’t high enough for a second date. But at least you didn’t sit back criticizing them or yourself. Juliet stood on a balcony and said Romeo, Romeo where for art thou Romeo. She wasn’t asking where he was. What Juliet was asking on the balcony was why are you Romeo? what makes you YOU it is a much more complex question than hey where are you! Start asking the question.