You struggle to make your own decisions.
The internet has not taught us how to research it has taught us to remain in a state of searching. Before we go to a restaurant we Google, yelp etc. We are relying on opinions of strangers who may or may not be truly strange in their opinions. And when we amass all this information which can take a significant amount of time, we sit in a whirling dervish of limitless choices! It can be anxiety provoking. And for some people this is how they actively learned to make decisions. How did you learn?
I think there are two things that drive this behavior. The bottom line emotion is fear and it registers in two areas fear of change and fear of not getting it right. Now it may seem silly that there would be all this hoopla over picking a restaurant. I mean really it’s just a restaurant right? Not really it has become a style of living that we constantly check in with social media. Remember the internet is virtually uncensored. There aren’t any publishing committees checking your work when you blog. The problem with social media is you are exposed to an infinite amount of opinions which is very different from facts and after a while you begin to trust that what you are reading is true. .Because who wants to do research if everything you read could be false. And then you get to opinions that conflict with each other and now what do you do? The oracle is telling you eighteen different things!
Remember never run out into the internet without your pants on. And in this case your pants are your values. Not the boring kind when you were being lectured as a teenager, that you didn’t have any of them according to adults. I mean before you pick up the dreaded mouse have an idea of what you want. If you go in there clueless you will be blindsided by all the possibilities I guarantee it.
And what if you are thinking but I don’t know what I like. Then it’s time for a little exercise, don’t worry, it’s not squats it’s a mental challenge. In order to become aware of what you like you need to change your perspective. For one week as you live your life actively look for things that you like and make a note of it. Some people write it down others do a mental note. Become familiar with yourself. Make this new noticing part of who you are. If you practice this regularly you will find it easier to identify what you do like more consistently.
Provide a meaningful context. Why are you about to do whatever it is? What are you trying to do? If you choose something does it take you closer to the goal you had in mind? Or do you choice just a random frustration? Remember why you started in the first place! Have an understanding of why you introduced the idea of changing something in your world. You have to start where you are. When I moved from a studio to a one bedroom I was very clear that I needed a door and walls to hide my messy bedroom. I knew what was important to me.
I also knew what my limitations were what I could afford and where I wanted to live. You need to consider the consequences of your actions. I knew I had a budget and it was nonnegotiable! Identify the consequences of the decision if you make a certain choice.
Now about being right, I remember when I was deciding what I wanted to be when I grew up. I thought that I should find my calling, the job, and my destiny. You get the picture I was in high school. What I now know that I wish I knew then is what you decide is a path. You can make what you decide out of it (to an extant) but as to the rightness there isn’t any. If you are not causing injury to yourself or others it is all right. Now that doesn’t mean the experience will be perfect, but that is another problem that I put alongside of needing to be right. I’ll talk about perfectionism another time.
If you are dissatisfied the first question is what can I do to make it better. If the answer is nothing and to stay is unacceptable to you then the next question is how can I leave the situation? But please be aware that you make your own destiny. You don’t have to find it every morning that you wake up. Its sitting next to your alarm clock.
You have gathered some information. You know what you like, why you want, you have considered varying choices and any consequences of your action. And now here comes the scary part argue with yourself figure out what would not work about your choice. But what if I just keep running around in circles?? Do a pro and con list. But I have already done those they don’t work.
Then it’s time to get out of your head. Then do a coin toss and call it. When you look down at the coin notice what you feel heads you do it – tails you don’t. You get tails are you happy? Upset? You have your answer by your feelings. If you were upset you do want to do it. Sounds crazy? Crazy like a fox. You decide.